Girl Talk

Today I finally had time to relax and watch TV. I started to watch Season 4 of Sex and the City, which is one of my favorite shows (and movies). I started thinking about friends and groups of girlfriends in particular.


The ladies of Sex and the City seem to have a perfect group of friends, balanced, even numbers so no one feels left out, etc. But in real life groups of girlfriends are nothing like this. In fact, groups of girlfriends, that I have seen at least, are not exactly cohesive and deal with major issues of jealousy and competition.

If you have ever seen girls interact, even best friends, you can see that there is always an issue of competition. Whether its subtle or obvious, even the best group of girlfriends has this issue. Another issue is that friends change over time; lives get busy and people settle down and get jobs, families, spouses, etc. Somehow the ladies of Sex and the City have no issues leaving their kids at home and going out to a club. I don't know many 40-year old women who do that. I also don't know many girls who go out with their friends to a club and don't get even the teensiest bit jealous when their friends get hit on and they don't. Which brings me to my second problem: talking about each other behind their backs.


Sadly, the fact that girls talk about each other behind their backs is more than a cliche; it is a harsh reality. If you are a female, you WILL absolutely have nasty, hateful things said about you behind your back, and it will at one point be from one of your closest friends. It is an inevitable truth that I never understood. All girls have an intuition about each other that I don't think men can ever fully understand. They can take one look at each other and love or hate each other, with no reason other than gut feeling. I have gone to countless parties and social events where another girl and I catch each others' eyes and I know instantly that one of two things is the cause: either they want to be friends or they will talk about you and give you the cold shoulder. More often than not there are some circumstances, whether its personal jealousy or them feeling threatened by you, they are going to talk. The fact of the matter is, women are threatened by each others success. I personally believe that this is partly due to biological evolution. There are more women than men in the world, so they must compete with each other for resources. This is not limited to male resources, we compete for every resource imaginable: looks, bodies, boobs, butts, brains, money, etc.



The bottom line is this: the bottom line is this, while there are great groups of girlfriends that can be happy for each other and be lifelong friends, they are extremely rare. Groups of girlfriends like the Sex and the City ladies are a myth fed to women by the media. In fact, they are just as much of a myth as the idea of a prince charming who will sweep you off your feet. Both are something you believe in jr. high, but when you grow up you are faced with the harsh reality that life is not a fairy tale.


With all that said, it's definitely something I'd like to believe in. I'd like to think that somewhere out there there is a group of really great girl friends who aren't cold, bitchy, fake, or insincere. And I do have some great friends. Those of you with great friends, count yourselves lucky.

Just A Minimum

Let me begin with a quote from comedian Dane Cook. He says that sometimes, relationships are bad. He calls these "relation-s--ts". With the divorce rate now above 50% according to a recent study, it appears that this is is true for more than half of relationships in our society. Why is this the case, and how are the nature of relationships and their problems changing?

One factor is certainly the rise of technology. What did people do before booty call texts, late night phone calls, cyber sex, and the easy availability of internet porn? All these factors make it so much easier to flirt and cheat without your partner ever knowing. In fact, one-third of divorce litigation is a result of online affairs. Furthermore, according to an attorney survey, one of the fastest rising causes of divorce is a spouse's addiction to Internet pornography (stats are available here).

According to another recent study, "about 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair at some point in some marriage" says Monogamy Myth author and therapist Peggy Vaughn. This means that more than half of marriages will experience infidelity. Most infidelities happen in the workplace. Scared yet?


With all this said, not every relationship is doomed for failure. It seems as though there are many cultural factors than contribute to the rise of infidelity. As mentioned before, the rise of technology is certaintly part of it, with flirtacious texts being sent every minute. However, it also seems that in today's culture, people just stopped appreciating each other. And many couples probably shouldn't be married in the first place. But it just seems like in all relationships, including friendships, are suffering from a lack of genuine care and appreciation. It can't help but seem that the world is getting more immersed in a self-absorbed culture that is never satisfied or appreciative. Instead, everyone is concerned with how much more they can get: how much more money, a bigger house, a nicer car, a better mate, etc. This ecology of "more," combined with the rise of a self-absorbed population, is a cesspool for infidelity. It seems that when you don't appreciate your partner, then of course straying, flirting, and cheating is not going to be an issue. It seems that society has forgotten the advice of Lauryn Hill when it comes to respect, appreciation and relationships: "Respect is just a minimum".

President Obama's New Supreme Court Justice

According to an article released today by the Associated Press, Obama will be choosing a new Supreme Court Justice by October. The title of the article is: "Obama's High Court Choice Could Be Hispanic, Woman". 

This is absurd. 

Why is this the title of the article? Neither the gender nor the race of the Supreme Court Justice is relevant to how well they can do the job. This rhetoric is reminiscent of affirmative action; all it does is focus on the supposed special treatment of minorities. While I understand that affirmative action is an issue of asserting equity (and rightfully so), I can already anticipate the backlash. I also find it frustrating that the media interprets Obama's choice of choosing a candidate with "empathy and understanding" means that he will choose either a Hispanic of a woman. These euphemisms of "empathy" and "understanding" are code for ethnic; this is where the absurdity begins. 

I can only hope that if Obama chooses a Hispanic candidate, the media will look beyond race in their portrayal of this person. It is a shame that a person's credentials and qualifications are overshadowed by their race.